Grieving in the Northern Tradition
Tragedy happens, even to the Gods. We all endure death and loss; it is a part of Nature. We also have divine examples of Gods who mourn, and they can be called upon for comfort in times of loss. First, though, I want to say something about Death.
Death is not our enemy, even though She takes people from us whom we would rather have around. Hela, our Goddess of Death, is not malicious. She does not step in to prevent deaths which happen due to the course of Nature, or accidents caused by human civilization, but she does not gloat over any death. Instead, She comes to gather them to her, to take them to peace and help them to heal their wounds.
People often ask me where loved ones go after death. In our cosmology, there are many answers to that question. If they are extremely devoted to a particular patron deity, they might go to be with Them. Those who drown at sea go to the hall of Aegir and Ran, where they are cared for until they are ready to move on to Hela’s halls, or are collected by their patron God. Some of the beloved dead go to ancestral family villages—which may or may not be in Helheim—to be with their relatives.
We are in an interesting position these days where our religions are not homogenous (and nor should they be), and this means that different family members may be aimed at different places after death. However, the Death Gods work with each other, and we’ve found from experience that there are “places” where people of different faith backgrounds—including no faith at all—can be together. Unlike what some faiths might say, you do not have to be separated after death by differences in belief. Time and space are not so linear after the body has been dropped, and if you both wish to see each other, you can be reunited.
Some people prefer to dissolve completely, and if the Gods allow it, that can happen—assuming that there are not more lessons one must learn while incarnated. Some people do reincarnate into physical bodies again, and in our cosmology Hela is the only deity who can do that for someone. However, one doesn’t necessarily work one’s way up through various animal lives. Lessons can be learned and the soul evolved through many different lives.
If someone dies in great fear and pain, it’s possible that they may refuse to move on and be “stuck” here as a ghost, reliving their death or reliving doing their daily activities even when all the physical parts of that are gone. They can be convinced to move on in various ways. Once a soul has actually moved on, they can visit the living, although most let go and move further on. A few decide to become guardians of their ancestral lines. We have a name for the female versions of this role—disir—and while the older name for the male version was alfar, we find this too confusing as it also means elves, and some modern Northern Tradition folk use the word vater.
But back to grieving. When someone has passed and you are left alone without them, none of this information may feel helpful at all. What you want is to be able to deal with your emotions, which are valid and probably searing. First, it’s good to call on the Gods, because many of Them have been there and They understand what you are going through. Divine grief is huge, bigger than ours, and it reverberates through the Universe. Here is a list of our Grieving Gods. Call on any of them in your time of trouble.
Freya. If you have lost a spouse, you can call on the aspect of Freya the Widow who lost Her husband Odr. It is said that he was a traveling or seafaring man, and one day he sailed off and never came back. She searched the Nine Worlds for him, but he had vanished entirely from all the worlds and she had to cope with the face that he would never be coming back. We mostly think of Freya as the beautiful Love Goddess or the glowing Light-Bringer or even the mystical Seidhkona; we forget that Mourning is a part of Love. No matter how strong the love, sooner or later one partner will die and leave the other one alone—thus Freya the Widow. Call upon Her to support you in this time of grief, and to grieve with you.
Frigga and Odin. If you have lost a child—and especially an adult child in the prime of their life and vitality—Frigga the All-Mother understands how you feel. When her youngest and most beautiful son Baldur began to have dreams prophesying his death, Frigga searched all the Nine Worlds and made every animal and plant promise not to harm him. She could not get all of them, however, and missed the mistletoe, so of course he was killed by a mistletoe dart. Even after his death she fought for him, convincing her husband to send another son, Hermod, down the road to Helheim to plead for his resurrection. However, it was not to be. Frigga especially understands the pain when you have fought for your child’s life for years, perhaps through disease and medical issues or perhaps through their poor life choices, and you lose them anyway. Call upon Her for comfort as you grieve their lost lives. Odin, Frigga’s husband, also lost his son Baldur, and He can be called on as well.
Sigyn and Loki. When the Aesir punished Loki, they killed Narvi—one of Sigyn and Loki’s two sons—by turning his younger brother Vali into a wolf and forcing Vali to slay Narvi. Vali went mad after this, wandering the worlds, so Sigyn lost both her children. (Narvi’s intestines were used to bind Loki in a cave for a hundred years, it is said, while Sigyn stayed by His side.) One of Her faces is the Mourning Mother who has lost both Her children, and She comes wailing and crying for them. Sigyn is, in general, a goddess who takes broken things (and people) to Her breast to comfort them, so one can imagine that Her mourning is deep indeed. If you have lost a child—especially a young child—Sigyn can be called upon to mourn with you, to rock you in Her arms and share your tears. Her husband Loki can also be called upon, as He also lost his children and had to endure that pain during His time of imprisonment.
Forseti. The God of Law and Justice seems a strange one to call upon for grief, but Forseti was a child-God once, the young son of Baldur and Nanna, and He saw His father killed and His mother commit suicide to be with Her lost husband; as Sigyn’s sons were among His best friends, He also lost them shortly afterwards. These deaths shaped his childhood, and were the reason He later became the God of Law and Justice, setting up a hall where all could be heard fairly in order to prevent future killing feuds. If you have lost a beloved parent or dear friend, Forseti knows your pain and will share it with you, and inspire you to honor your dead in ways that shape the world into a better place.
Baldur, Nanna, and Hoder. These are not Gods of Mourning per se, but after His death Baldur became the God of Light in Darkness, giving a spark of light even in the darkest times and places. His wife Nanna became the Goddess of Love in Darkness, teaching us how to keep love alive for those who still live even when we are in our own pain. Baldur’s blind brother Hoder, who was killed just after He was, became the Guide in Darkness, when you cannot see even Baldur’s light and must feel your way through the pain and grief. Any of them can be called upon to help you when you feel that you are lost in shadow.
Angrboda. The Wolf-Mother Angrboda, the first wife of Loki, understands what it is to mourn a child who is not dead, but who is imprisoned and kept from your arms. She and Loki lost their young son Fenrir, as he was imprisoned as a child, and then after he escaped and wrought mayhem they saw him imprisoned again, this time permanently. If you are a parent whose child is imprisoned, fierce Angrboda will grieve with you.
Tyr. The God of Honor sacrificed his hand in order to keep the Great Wolf chained, and Tyr understands having been able-bodied and then losing physical ability. If this is your grief, Tyr can give you solemn comfort and understanding, and help you to look ahead and see what you can still do.
Below are a list of funeral prayers and rituals for different occasions. They do not need to be spoken only at a funeral—you can say them by yourself at any time, if they might give comfort.
Also, if your loved one died troubled, with many lessons yet unlearned, you can do a ritual to help heal their soul, called an “elevation”. I did it for my father after he died, and I believe that it did help his soul to heal.
A Ritual to Elevate the Troubled Dead
A Note on Northern Tradition Funerals (from Horn and Banner)