Thor and the Hammer's Theft

It's the oldest tale of forced-feminization in existence ... and the hero is Thor. No, really. It starts with Thrym, the King of the Storm Giants, stealing Thor's hammer Mjolnir. It's unclear how Thrym got hold of Thor's hammer, but he managed to rip it off somehow. Perhaps the Thunderer was snoring beside a fire while out on a camping trip, and Thrym nipped off with it. At any rate, Thor was furious when we couldn't find his precious Mjollnir, and it is certain that the sky opened up with rain for days. (But no thunder or lightning, of course.)

Then Thrym sent his missive saying that he had the hammer, and his terms - he wanted Freya, the goddess of love and beauty (among other things) for his bride. Freya, of course, was having absolutely none of it. If you've ever tried to bargain with a love goddess, you know how hard it is to get them to do anything they don't want to do. So you can imagine how little luck Thor or anyone else in Asgard had in suggesting that she might want to trade herself for his weapon. Thrym, however, would take nothing else.

Then Loki, who was at that time Thor's traveling buddy, came up with a brilliant, if cracked, idea. (He excels at that.) He suggested that Thor be dressed up as a bride, and go to Thrym pretending to be Freya. Loki would also crossdress, as Freya's handmadien, and do all the talking. When Thor got close enough to grab back the hammer, he could fight his way out. Or so the plan went. Thor, feeling as though he had little choice, grudgingly agreed to it. Then it was just a matter of finding all the right dresses to fit the two of them, and a veil to temporarily mask the bearded Thor.

The two of them set out in a borrowed chariot to Thrym's palace in the northern mountains of Jotunheim. Thrym invited them in with glee, looking forward to having Freya in his bed by the end of the evening. A lavish feast was spread out, as there were many giants to feed, but Thor devoured several plates of food. Startled, Thrym asked why Freya was so hungry. Loki quickly chimed in with some silliness about how she had been so excited about getting married that she hadn't eaten in days.

At some point, Thrym went to steal a kiss under Thor's veil, but before he could fully lift it, Thor glared at him through the thin cloth with fiery red eyes. Thrym backed away, exclaiming in surprise, but Loki smoothly jumped in again with more nonsense about how Freya hadn't slept for days in anticipation of the wedding, Cautiously, Thrym nodded, but declared that the wedding vows should be said at once.

Loki pointed out that Mjollnir was probably the most magical item in the hall, and as such their vows should be said with the hammer between their hands. Mjollnir was summarily brought out, and placed in front of the "bride". Thor immediately grabbed it up, ripped off his veil, and began swinging. His might was such that he managed to fight himself and Loki out the door through a crowd of angry giants, and they fled back to Asgard.

Simple enough, but how many heroes get to do drag in one of their major myths? Lucky Thor!

Artwork at top by Grace Palmer.